Why I Fired My Secretary


Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I said, well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office. Do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes, she came out . . .

. . . carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and children. All were singing Happy Birthday.

. . . and there on the couch I sat . . .

. . . with nothing on but my socks . . . .