Jewish Definitions---



Putz: The male reproductive member, primarily used for urinating and solitary amusement. Larger than a schmeckel. Similar to a schmuck. A common term for male in-laws.

Schmuck: Yet another term for the male member, most often used to describe a man with an attitude of arrogant stupidity. Nice logic there, if you think about it. A common term for former male in-laws and business partners.

Goyim: People who are Gentile. A polite term for anyone who doesn't love a good bargain or has extra skin on his schmeckel.

Tattalah: An endearing term of love which means "little man". An emasculating term for women to call men, if you think about it. But who has time to think?

Gefilte Fish: A tasty mix of congealed fish parts and transparent slime jelly. The only food it is permissible for Jewish children to refuse. In some families, they may even be allowed to gag, but politely.

Chaleria: A derogatory term which best refers to a female business associate or a mother-in-law. The closest English equivalent is "bitch."

Koorveh: A call-girl, or prostitute. A reference to the Russian Czar's wife at the turn of the 20th Century, and to that flashy shiksa your nephew married. Also known as Nafkeh.

Schmendrick: A man who messes things up, always loses and feels miserable. An unfortunate asshole. Closely related to Schlemazel and Schlemiell. Every Jewish family has at least one, often named Irving.

Schlemiell: A jerk who can't do anything right. In simple terms, someone who's always spilling his soup.

Schlemazel: The poor dumb putz a Schlemiell is always spilling soup on.

Schmeckel: A guy with a small putz. A nothing. Usually your ex-partner or ex-son-in-law.

Tsuris: A word referring to all problems, trouble, grief, aggravation and heartache. Examples: daughter pregnant with child of an unemployed Catholic bartender; adult son loses job and moves back home.

Major Tsuris: Daughter and baby "Bridget" move back home too.

Kin-a-hora: A gleeful rejoice used when Jewish parents find out their daughter is going to marry the Jewish surgeon rather than that poor, unemployed goyishe laborer.