Great Truths About Growing Old

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5. One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

6. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

7. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

8. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

9. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

10. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.